If you're just beginning to learn meditation, either as part of a guided meditation group or on your own, you try for five or ten minutes each sitting; try to sit daily at the same time, morning or evening, whatever suits you best. You let the daily five to ten minutes to increase to fifteen or twenty minutes as the weeks go by, but you certainly don't try and push the pace.

Meditation isn't about tightening the teeth in determination. It's about sitting calmly with yourself, and although it involves its own kind of self control this has less to do with toughness than with compliant and letting go.

When the unavoidable thoughts or feelings come up, you permit them to pass into and out of consciousness like clouds pass in water. You don't try and push them away, but leave them to pass on their own harmony. Irrespective of how 'important' the thoughts seem to be or how compelling or disturbing the sentiments, you don't hold on to them or allow one thought or emotion to set off another and another till you are down on an inattentiveness track that takes you far away from the simple matter of the breathe in and breathe out.

If, however, you do get carried away, gently but firmly go back to your breathing the instant you realize this has cropped up. Avoid being irritated with yourself or persuading yourself you'll never learn how to meditate. Your deviating mind is simply showing to you just how much you need to practice your meditation techniques. It is assisting you, prompting you, showing you how less control you have over your own thoughts. The right response is gratitude, appreciation towards that part of your mind that has realized you are wool-gathering and that has reminded you to return to your point of focus.

I cannot overstate how important this attitude of gratitude is. If you trouble yourself each time you become aware you are lost in thought, you will not only be arousing the unwelcome emotion of self-disgust, you will be taming your mind not to remind you when it is wandering later on. You are in effect punishing it every time for reminding you, and certainly it doesn't like being punished. So it will prompt you less and less often, and you will find concentration becomes harder and harder. In response to the dissatisfaction that this brings, your mind will then start whispering convincingly to you that meditation is a total waste of effort, and that you would be well advised to find something greater to do with your time.

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